Regrettably announcing that I will no longer be accepting nicknacks. Although knickknacks have been a major part of my life, I have apparently reached the limit. At least that's what everybody tells me. I have actually received complaints--some in the form of sarcastic barbs, others in the form of outright persecution.

I was recently invited (forced) to attend Bric-a-Brac Anonymous--a twelve-step program for those who are unable to control the impulse to buy the gaudy gewgaw of the moment. Members admit that they cannot control their behavior on their own, but require the help of a higher power and a sponsor.

One of the steps requires us to make a complete and honest inventory of the offending items. The following is only a partial list-but at least it's a start:
The plastic, egg-laying hen used as an Easter decoration.
The miniature Red-winged Black Bird wired to the dashboard of the van.
The giant, plastic penny.
The hand-painted wooden toys.
The fake fly in the plastic ice cube.
The jack-in-the-box featuring President Bush as the clown. (I think I will give this to Kasey).
The rubber chicken hanging in the kitchen.
The bobble-head doll of Tony Shalub (Monk).
The blue hand for holding your cell phone.
All the little ceramic or wooden cat figurines throughout the house.
The evil-looking jester puppet.
The sea shell inside the tiny glass bottle.
The stuffed "Trickster" from the Lion King musical.
The hand-painted, ceramic tiger in the den. (Recently broke its tail off).
The paper totum pole Jessie made in grade school. (Maybe she has a place for it).
The stuffed "Jack" from The Nightmare Before Christmas movie.
The decorative bird houses.
The four-foot #2 pencil.
The palm tree pen.
The flamingo pens.
The flamingo yard decorations.
The Broken whirly-gigs. (I'll try to repair these).
The diner blackboard advertising Pepsi.
The giant yard frog. (I think Vickie will like this one).
The cigar box full of old campaign buttons.
The flamingo sun glasses and drinking glasses.
The string of flamingo lights.
The giant blow-up football man.
Izzy. (Just kidding).
The old dial phones (black) . . . .


Another step in the BABA (Bric-a-Brac Anonymous) program is to make a searching and honest list of all persons who have been hurt by my behavior. I'll work on that for next time. I'm sure it will include Kasey (the minimalist), Josh (minimalistiest), Vickie, and Julia B (you know who you are).

Mmmmm, after looking over the list, I think this is too hard. Maybe I won't go to any more meetings. After all, I really can quit anytime. I don't need some organization telling me what's healthy and what's not. I like my trinkets.

Well, I've gotta go watch Amazing Race. I may see something to buy for the home.